Sunday, July 17, 2011

Over the Edge

For any readers who may have ventured to this site; and possibly thought I had ‘dropped off the edge of the earth’; I very well might have. Suffice to say that most of this year has not been the most positive I have experienced. I’ve been surrounded by negatives and in a very dark place ….. everything about me is at an all time low … health deteriorating; finances depleted, spirit erased; as a matter of fact the only thing that hasn’t gone down hill are commitments; they’ve multiplied!

So, sorry!   Haven’t been able to find the spirit to write even a greeting card.

But no, I’ve not dropped off the edge; I’m close though.

I’ve been ardently trying all the ‘tricks’ to pull myself out of this mire. Planted veggies and flowers in pots on the balcony, harvested some beans; love the flowers. I always derive such joy from planting and watching the bloom of flowers. Okay, so they are doing fine … no joy!

I’ve walked and walked and walked; thought to add a positive to health issues; hasn’t done much; legs are stronger. And I’m smoking like a chimney which isn’t helping the financial end either.

Art work … I won’t even venture into those dark waters. My mind wants to paint again; I stain canvas and look at the blank.

What is this path we tread?
Where is the end, do you see?
Why here, not there,
I wonder?

Once laughter, once light!
Once challenge, once hope!
Once dreams!
I wonder?

I fear this path
To endlessly roam
Without laughter or hope

So, I’m searching just now for positives.


  1. Ruby, I am so glad you are ALIVE! I have missed you and our ramblings back and forth, remembering this and that. These will be times to remember too and I hope you will be able to laugh about them. I smoke so I can't bitch about that! But here is what I do: find comedies to watch. Rent or borrow lots of silly movies, more the better, one after the other. Lots of popcorn. Concentrate, hard, on the silly in life.

  2. That painting perfectly fits what you have written about today: walking through the bleak mist with the future ahead unclear, but with a subtle glow of hope and promise. I don't have the answers for you, only you know whats best for yourself, but know that people are out there who care about you!

  3. Hi Ruby, I'm sorry that you are going through a 'down' period (and I'm sure it is just a 'period'). I wish I knew you well enough to be able to offer some advice. All I can suggest is that you enjoyed sketching people earlier in the year, perhaps you should try doing more of that.